Peace, At Last

I write to you from my terrace (aka fire escape) off the side of my new and relatively spacious bedroom. My bed rests in the middle of four eggshell-colored walls, with a Henri Bendel Gardenia candle burning on one side and my guitar on the other. Its a pretty room, inhabited by a simply complicated girl. I already enjoy retreating to it, door closed.

The exhaustive, 12-hour move took place on Saturday, with the help of my extraordinary family. Monday consisted of excessive partying and shameless dancing at Gansevoort Hotel, some place I don't remember and Buddha Bar. Tuesday followed with bowling, walking along the water for hours and marvelous fireworks at South Street Seaport. Today, I am finally able to find some peace. (Do you ever feel like you're stoned when you're completely sober? That's how I feel right now). I've spent most of my evening lost in thought, staring at the wall, listening to the nearby basketball courts and reading Kundera's "The Unbearable Lightness Of Being." Seemingly mindless actions, but much needed, nonetheless.

Sorry for the irrelevant rant. I'll post something worthy as soon as I cleanse and recharge my mind.

Old Is New Again

Old Co-worker, New Friend For Life: Last night, a woman who has grown to be my mentor, friend and confidante came to New York. She was my producer on a crime series before I left Washington D.C. We spent 4 weeks on the road in Florida, accompanied by our exceptionally talented, German cameraman. Its a funny thing being on the road, filming a show about murders. We learned a lot on those shoots and had some of the most memorable times (which I've only come to appreciate in retrospect). She applauded me on my successes in New York so far and as always, encouraged me to push my limits. As one of my biggest supporters, she has invited me to work on a shoot with some of the world's top wedding designers! Thank you Lynn!

Old Friend, New Inspiration: Later, I met a friend who I haven't seen in years. She spent two years in Guyana doing Peace Corps. It was as if no time had gone by. Still the same, beautiful, passionate, driven and intelligent girl I knew years ago -- with a few moderations (Gentleman, snatch her up while you can!). I'm sure adjusting to the American way of life will take time but I know she will make her mark in this world as she is a true philanthropist. She's already landed herself a teaching position and is on her way to grad school. Congrats Anita!

Old Music, New Vibe: My music library is so plentiful and diverse that at times I forget what I have! The other day I rediscovered my love for Maxwell and Res. Maxwell, the sexy, 'make-you-wanna-hop-in-bed' artist who put neo-soul on the map. When I first heard "Ascension," I was in love. I didn't know who with, but I knew I wanted to be in love after I heard that. And how can you not feel sexy after hearing "Sumthin-Sumthin"?? Lately I've been listening to the "Now" album, which has gotten less acclaim than his previous work. But if you ask me I think it's just as good. "Changed" and "Lifetime" are two of my favorites from his discography. Any man who can hit the high octave and still seem masculine is top shelf at my bar :-)

Res, a lesser known, and in my opinion, underappreciated musician, created a genre all her own. There is no way to really categorize her, except under good-original-music. But if I tried, I'd say she'd fall under the new-soul-hop-rock category (I just made that up). She has only one, phenomenal album released in 2001 and is probably better known for her songs "They Say (Vision)" and her "Ice King" remix with Nas. The first track on the album, "Golden Boy" is a classy bust on the wannabes of the music industry, with a triad of break-beats and downtempo. She sings with attitude and sex appeal, never wavering from originality. Please, do yourself a favor and check her out (even if it is 5 years old).

The Last Piece of Evidence

When we choose not to discuss a particular issue (or in this case write about a particular issue) we also choose not to think about it. I believe that once you discuss/write something it makes it more real, thus you are forced to think about it, possibly revisiting a painful time. Avoidance is the quick solution to forgetting the past. 'Out of sight, out of mind' as they say.

Re: #19 of New Lease Resolutions: Forget those who deserve to be forgotten.

First I did it, then he did it. I quickly learned that a relationship that has ended in true misery is never that cut and dry, at least not for me. Six months ago I threw away every possible piece of evidence of our relationship: pictures, letters, ticket stubs, dried flowers, cards, emails, even songs, so as not to trigger unsettling emotions at any given time. The materials were gone and I locked away unwanted thoughts. For a while things were calm, quiet, and images faded. Then, on one arbitrary day, I began picking at the lock of the box hidden away in the darkness of my mind, collecting dust. I opened it, but this time, as I rummaged through, I felt a fondness. Memories no longer brought me to tears, but now smiles. Could this be? Only a few months ago was I afflicted, questioning to exhaustion the very essence of these "loving" events. Deceit, bitterness, anguish, none of these feelings were present. It was true. Time did in fact heal my wounds, though I did not realize it at that moment of nostalgia, time also diminishes the truth. Time softens the hard reality. The phase of fond remembering soon passed as did the previous feelings of anger and sadness, leaving behind apathetic notions.

Yesterday, as I began packing to prepare for my move, I was throwing away stacks of papers. Mixed between a short story by Stuart Dybeck and an old credit card bill, I found an envelop with "Rakhee" written across it. I pulled out a light blue card with a picture of two clinking champagne glasses on the front. I opened the card and it read, "To My Dearest Rakhee, Happy Anniversary. You are everything I thought you would be twelve months ago...and more. I love you. Yours Always,..." I gasped. I was caught off guard. I thought I had efficiently evacuated my room of any remnants. I tossed it over to the trash pile and out it went. But before doing so I read it over several times. It was a foreign object to me. I read it but it held no meaning to me any longer. It was nothing more than a thin piece of folded cardboard. It held no weight. This was the final piece of evidence in my possession (I hope) that he and I existed together. Now, I will tell you, I am not naive, not anymore. I don't expect that my past will never revisit me, but I do not intend on diluting it with materials that hold no relevance today. But if I ever do question my past relationship, I will remember a conversation I recently had with a friend in Brooklyn:

Friend: "You know what the best feeling is?"
Me: "What?
Friend: "When the person you broke up with continues to reaffirm why you broke up with them."
Me: "[I smile] You're so right."

A smile slowly came across my face as I realized how truly appropriate this statement was, "you're so right" I repeated.

Thank You for continuing to confirm my decision.

New-Lease Resolutions

I didn't realize it until last week, after coming home from an exhausting day of apartment hunting, but I finally feel at home in this city. Soon, I will begin the second phase of my life here in New York. They say it takes a year to be considered a "real" New Yorker. If that's the case my graduation will be coming up in 2 and a half months. Its hard to believe I've lived here almost a year. It seems like only a month ago that I moved into my tiny, un-airconditioned apartment, with little to no furniture. It has surely been an adventure to say the least. My life has taken some very unexpected turns in the past year, with career, love, family, friends and ultimately my own identity (forgive the dramatics). I can say with certainty that I have learned more about myself and human beings in general since I've been here. And I know that's just the tip of the iceberg...

July 1, 2006 I will move into my new crib. After hundreds of phone calls, frantic searching, some tears, debating between Eastside or West, uptown or downtown, my roommate and I wound up exactly where we started. One street south of my current residence, wedged between the Hudson River and Lincoln Center, is where my new home will be. My address will still have the same zipcode but the new place is a little bit bigger and a little bit nicer, with a fire escape that I can actually sit out on (unlike my last dilapidated excuse for a fire escape). I've looked all over this city the last 2 weeks and I can honestly say I love the upper west side! With that said, I've created a little list that I would like to call "New-Lease Resolutions." Screw New Years resolutions. They're overrated and I never stick to them anyway -- too much pressure. Why wait til January 1?? Besides, New Years Eve is my birthday and I feel that turning a year older is enough change on its own.

New-Lease Resolutions (in no particular order):
1. Paint my new apartment (Either brick red, a mute yellow or moss green??).
2. Be more open and accepting to the idea of "dating."
3. Get back to my normal weight.
4. Read a book that will top Kite Runner.
5. Work on a film (independent or feature).
6. Edit a short video on Final Cut Pro.
7. Color my hair dark auburn.
8. Start a piece of short fiction that I would seriously consider submitting to be published.
9. Meet Leonardo Dicaprio.
10. Be less judgemental of others.
11. Find an excellent Burmese restaurant in the city, equivalent to Burma Superstar in San Francisco.
12. Find the perfect dress.
13. Take more pictures!
14. Answer and return phone calls.
15. Shop less (spend less).
16. Do another open mic.
17. Bike around the city more often.
18. Travel overseas (London, India and Thailand).
19. Forget those that deserve to be forgotten.
20. (It's a secret).

Is this unrealistic for a year? I think I can do it. Give me a little credit, I'm stating this for anyone to read. You can even follow up with me in a year and see how far I've gotten. If I haven't accomplished more than half of what I listed above, then feel free to publicly ridicule me.

So, cheers to New York, New Leases and New Beginnings!

Apple On 5th Ave

I've been pod-less for 3 weeks now. For those of you who don't know me, let me tell you, this is a crisis. My i-Pod is my sidekick, I never leave home without it. A few Saturdays ago I came home after a typical night of drinking and dancing. I promised friends that we would finish the night off with some good tunes. I brought my docking station out into the living room, already preparing the playlist in my head...and then, nothing. Zip. Blank. I didn't freak out at first. A friend of mine attempted the 'hold-down-menu-and-select-for-twenty-seconds' technique, but still, nothing. Then I started to freak out.

This weekend I finally had the time to take care of business. I made an appointment before leaving home at Apple's Genius Bar, to assure expeditious service. Later, I walked myself on over to the eastside where the new Apple store is on 59th St and 5th Ave. As geeky as it might sound, if you have nothing else better to do, its actually fun to just go and play around in the new store. The other Apple store in SoHo can get annoyingly crowded, preventing you from not only receiving the proper service but also from being able to look around with ease. Another cool thing about the new location is that its open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. It's like freakin' 7-11! And on Friday nights they have notable DJ's spinning music. Apple has done a good job with the new location because it's not just a store it's a tourist attraction! When I got there for my appointment at 5:50pm there were small groups of people outside waiting to go in, apparently they were giving tours! The large glass box entry way is quite striking and stands out, like a futuristic pillar, amongst the elegant Central Park East hotels and boutiques.


Eventually I made my way up to the Genius Bar where all the Mac geeks standby to help you with your tech troubles. There was never a time when people were not standing in line, which made me very relieved that I made the appointment in advance. Finally, I handed my iPod over to an adorable "genius" named Matt -- "Please resuscitate my iPod!" I begged him. He checked for a pulse, pressed a few buttons...nothing. Things were looking bleak. He then hooked it up to a Mac and we waited. 10 long minutes go by, "Well, Miss, I think we've fixed your iPod." I was overjoyed! Not only was it fixed, but that sweetheart Mathew put a whole new music library on my iPod, for free! On my way back to the westside I was pleased to hear some new music that was actually to my liking. Here are some new songs playing on my iPod, all with the "Rakhee Stamp Of Approval", courtesy of Apple (Thanks Matt!):

"Stiff Jazz" by Dzihan & Kamien
"Dreaming of..." by Earlimart
"Delerium" by Euphoria
"Madame Hollywood" by Felix Da Housecat
"Do Your Realize??" by The Flaming Lips
"I Love Music" by Flunk
"Summer Sun" by Koop
"Backfired" by Masters At Work
"Candy Man Blues" by Mississippi John Hurt
"The Sea" by Morcheeba
"Bossa Per Due" by Nicola Conte
"Don't Know Why" by Pat Metheny
"Backbone" by Projections
"Samba de Orpheus" by Vince Guaraldi Trio/Colin Bailey/Monty
"Destiny" by Zero7

767 Fifth Ave.
New York, NY 10153
(212) 336-1440
http://www.apple.com/retail/fifthavenue/week/20060618.html

Right On!

I am not an absolute believer in astrology. Quite often however, I find that my horoscope can be eerily accurate. Perhaps it is my own subconscious justifying the cosmic words. In any case, today, I had my horoscope sent to me and it could not have been more on point...Seriously, almost word for word of what I've been experiencing and thinking recently.

CAPRICORN
Your attention may be fixed firmly on your aspirations today. As a result, you may be working in a more disciplined manner than usual. You may find that your powers of concentration are heightened and that you suffer less from lifeÂ’s little distractions. Productivity is likely your watchword so this can be an affirmative time to examine your daily routine and determine whether it is helping or hindering you in your quest to reach your goals. You can make the most of the discipline you feel by devoting the whole of your mental energy to each task you undertake. Others will likely notice your dedication and respond positively to your efforts. Consider asking for a promotion at your workplace today or taking on more responsibility in your home or a volunteer position.


Cultivating your mental discipline can help you avoid distractions and stay on course as you pursue your goals. The modern world we inhabit is awash with distractions that have the potential to keep us from fulfilling our full potential. Discipline empowers you to retain your focus when diversions, both pleasurable and not, threaten to derail your forward momentum. You'll have the ability to recover quickly from interruptions and push distractions out of your mind. As you move forward in your quest for success, you can adapt to changing situations and use your current circumstances to your advantage. Your attention will stay firmly fixed on your aims. The focused discipline you feel today will help streamline your progress toward the life of your dreams.
---

The above was from http://www.dailyom.com/ A wonderful and enlightening website, though it tends to get a little too cheesey. But you can filter through and find the inspiration where you will.

Also, www.washingtonpost.com is my favorite newspaper and the horoscopes section is one of the best. Try reading your horoscope from the previous day, see how accurate it is.

Sixth Annual IAAC Film Festival November 1-5, 2006

When I moved to New York last August I had this dreamy idea of what life would be like. I was excited to be among my peers: artists, writers, filmmakers. I imagined how things would take off in different directions, pushing me to learn more and more, in turn, defining my own talents. I expected to be submersed in the bohemian culture that is born and bred in this city. Soon after the move I found myself nearly stunted before a plethora of choices. I began taking writing workshops, dance classes, going to art exhibits, catching live shows, trying to keep up with guitar -- I found myself in a ball of inconsistancy. I was doing everything and still, doing nothing. After some minor agonizing I realized I had to make a choice and stick to it. I have decided upon three things (for now) that I will follow through with, one of them being the Indo-American Arts Council.

I heard about the IAAC last year, while still settling into my new home and job at The History Channel. They hosted a film festival showcasing various genres of South Asian origin. On opening night in November of 2005, Deepa Metha's intensely emotional work, "Water" premiered. I knew then that IAAC would be an organization I truly wanted to be a part of. Though I was too late to volunteer, I was able to catch the tail end of some of the screenings. This year, I was prepared and am excited to be volunteering for the Sixth Annual IAAC Film Festival! And what a festival it will be... I am thrilled to be a part of the IAAC and even more overwhelmed by the array of talent I will be witness to. Many of the attendants are writers and directors whom I deeply admire and continually inspire me to go forth with my career in the arts and media.

---
The Indo-American Arts Council is delighted to announce its Sixth Annual IAAC Film Festival Opening Night Film as Mira Nair’s “The Namesake.” Adapted from Pulitzer prize-winning writer Jhumpa Lahiri’s book of the same name, “The Namesake” is a heartbreaking, funny and universal story of the Ganguli family, spanning 30 years, encompassing the tale of millions of us who have left one home for another. The stars of the film are Kal Penn, Tabu, Irfan Khan, Jacinda Barrett and Zuleikha Robinson. "This film is a "dill ka tukra," a piece of my heart, a seesaw of two great cities of the world - New York and Kolkata," says Mira Nair, Director of “The Namesake.”

Expanding beyond the traditional venue, the opening night will be presented at the legendary Ziegfeld theatre to enable a much wider attendance and celebration of this masterpiece. Scheduled to appear at the opening night are director Mira Nair & writer Jhumpa Lahiri and many members of the cast. “The Namesake” will be released theatrically by Fox Searchlight Pictures on November 3, 2006.

Following IAAC tradition, a Gala Dinner will follow the opening night screening. Gala Chairs for this year are celebrated author Salman Rushdie & model/actress Padma Lakshmi; our Gala Vice-Chairs are Chandrika & Ranjan Tandon and Sandhya & Dhruv Narain. Silent and live auctions will be held during dinner to raise money for the IAAC. Mr. Rushdie states "The IAAC is an important, thriving initiative and I am delighted to support it.”

The rest of the festival screenings for the IAAC Film Festival will be held at various venues around town promoting upcoming talent and their stories. Post-screening discussions, networking events, closing night screening & party as well as awards for excellence in filmmaking complete the celebrations.
---

I cannot express how excited I am for this event! I will keep you posted on any updates. In the meantime please visit www.iaac.us for more info. Hope you can make it.

Homeward Bound

Today I will leave the city for three days. I will leave behind the smog, the 5 mile walks, the crystalline lounges and busy-ness. I will temporarily trade it all in for fresh air, speeding down the beltway, roughhousing with the dog and lazing on my couch. I will catch up with friends, go to the mall, eat my father's chicken curry and sleep next to my mother. I will absorb the pureness of suburbia, for three days. There will be no stress, no meaningless flirting, no drinking, no reprimands, no impressions to make and no deadlines looming...except for my 9pm train on Sunday night, heading back to Penn Station - back to city life.

Ashes and Snow

Please take the time and check out the works of Gregory Colbert. The images in this exhibit are truly some of the most enchanting and soulful photographs I've ever seen. Colbert captures real interactions between people and animals in the wild. They were taken on location in places such as Burma, Tonga, Sri Lanka, India, Namibia and Kenya. Many of the images appear to be artificial or manipulated in some way. But according to various sources they are in fact real (though I am still a bit skeptical).

The one above might be my favorite. I've always felt a sense of peace at the sight of an elephant. Perhaps the stories of Ganesh that my Mother told me as a girl made an impression.

Hope you find one you connect with.
go to http://www.ashesandsnow.org/en/home.php

My Apologies

"You need to step it up" a friend/reader told me over the weekend, referring to my blog. I know! I'm sorry! I apologize for not posting anything new in the last two weeks. I've been quite busy and have not had as much time to devote. Work has been exhausting which leads me to overdo playtime on the weekends :-) I will post new thoughts this week, though. I promise.

Rockstar Weekend

The Dance Party hail from the picturesque rolling green hills of Prince George’s County (OK, maybe more like concrete jungle), the land that brought to you world icons such as Martin Lawrence and Kenny Lattimore. They create musical mayhem with 80s and 90s inspired songs like “Nintendo Power” and “Daniel Larusso is Gonna Fight.” As the self-professed “pioneers of slop-rock” The Dance Party is made up of four friends just trying to have a good time and make some fun music along the way. I am not only proud to be a product of the same town but also to call them my homeboys. Before they came to be D.C.’s latest Rock craze they were causing a ruckus at house parties throughout College Park and Towson, Maryland. Beers, guitars, songs, debauchery. All of the elements that made my college experience so enriched. They taught me a lady, could indeed still be a lady, while swearing during a game of flip-cup and having beer dribble down her chin.

This past Saturday they made their New York City debut at The Continental (www.continentalnyc.com) on the lower east side. The Dance Party rocked the house but the after-party took the show. You know how some things just never change? One night out with them and I swear I was in college again. Beers, guitars, songs, debauchery. We ran all over town like old times. I spent most of Sunday nursing a hangover but it was worth it. It was a refreshing break from the chichi lounges and overpriced drinks. I had forgotten how much I enjoy a nice, cold beer. Visitors from home always make me a little nostalgic for the simplicity of suburbia.

The Dance Party will undoubtedly be doing more shows in NYC. I’ll keep you posted. In the meantime they play in Washington D.C. and surrounding areas often, so do yourself a favor and check them out. If you do make it to a show, don’t expect to sit down and sip on your Cider Jack. Be prepared to rock out and party your ass off.

http://www.thedanceparty.net/

The Joy of Grocery Shopping (w/ celebrities)

City life is often a rushed, streamline routine. It is easy to overlook the basic joys of suburban life that I once used to gleefully partake in. Among other domesticated rituals, one of my favorites: grocery shopping. I’ve lost this affinity for several reasons, 1) my local grocery store, Christedes, offers a shameful selection of food and 2) my kitchen is so damn small! Thus I’ve become uninspired to cook at home. Not too long before I moved to Manhattan did I begin to develop a true fondness for cooking. Creating meals, finding the perfect ingredients, serving loved ones and watching them enjoy it. But for whatever reason it faded and it just wasn’t as enjoyable as it once was. We New Yorkers eat out so dang much, always trying to get a taste of the newest restaurant, that homecooking has become a novelty.

Last night after work, just before sunset, I walked over to Columbus Circle to get some groceries, where the fairly new Time-Warner building sits, aside the southwest corner of Central Park. A proud addition to New York’s Westside setting, her all glass façade beautifully reflects the fountain in which a large marble and bronzed statue stands. All situated in front of the trailing greenery of Central Park. It makes it a delight to walk by on a warm evening. I strolled by, glancing into the ground floor windows: Coach, Hugo Boss, Thomas Pink and Stuart Weitzman. Some other residents include the Mandarin Oriental hotel, CNN studios and an array of exotic restaurants, including the Stone Rose lounge.

I eventually made my way downstairs into Whole Foods where I was to execute my mission in rekindling my love for grocery shopping. As a once fervent grocery shopper I was tickled with excitement to see the mass assortment of cuisine! The entire store was designed in such an inviting manner, even the lighting was pleasing. It felt more like a european market and less like a mundane factory. Everywhere I turned produce was radiating with a freshness and ripe color. Sections of Indian food, a sushi station, dessert buffet, aromatic bread baskets…they have it all and you can’t beat it (this is the crème de la crème of grocery stores people). I picked up a shopping basket and set out for the beaming red tomatoes. Which will I pick, I thought. Plum, romaine, cherry, vine ripe? I went for the romaine. As I stood there gently squeezing, subtly sniffing, I noticed a familiar girl standing near me. I took a closer look and realized I was standing side-by-side, sniffing tomatoes with Denise Huxtable! I couldn’t believe it, so I just kept staring. Yes, I turned into one of those silly, celebrity-giddy girls. It was only a moment and she was gone. But wow, Denise Huxtable/Lisa Bonet, who woulda thought? (That never happened at the Giant in Greenbelt, MD -- that's for sure).

I ended up spending about an hour in Whole Foods. Wandering around, perusing all the ethnic fare from Ethiopian to Peruvian. Oh, and the cheeses! I wouldn't even know where to begin. I think I’ve rediscovered a love for food and in turn I feel that excitement for cooking coming on again. Environment makes a difference in our moods. In a perfect setting, the most clarifying thoughts can come to mind. I think I might let outside factors dictate my emotions too much, instead of evoking them from within. All this insight from grocery shopping?! Well, I suppose we can find inspiration in unexpected places sometimes.

Rebuttal: "Holla!"

Below is a very enlightening response to my previous blog entry entitled, "holla!" I received it via email since it is obviously too long to post as a comment. I thought it so well expressed and entertaining that it deserved a honorary posting on my blog. Enjoy.

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oh what? you don't appreciate being propositioned by NYC guys?

I don't think guys holla unless (a) they've had some degree of positive feedback in the past with that approach before or (b) it's the only thing they know to do.

The thing is...I actually know guys who are able to get away with some of the stuff you mentioned (grabbing a girl by the arm and saying something like "lick my ear lobe" and it works). There's always one little alpha male in the herd who gets away with the audacious moves that make him a "legend" within his pack of beta males and the beta males end up going all over NYC bolstered by the success of alpha males success and they imitate to miserable results.

Let's be honest there are only a few things that really work for a man when he's trying to get the attention of a completely unknown female. He has to be able to do one of the following things: (a) dance (b) look like Hrithik or (c) have a rap (line of BS) so astounding that he could sell 10 tons of hamburger patties to a vegetarian.

Guys don't have confidence. They're insecure as hell (in general). Especially around icy death maidens such as Rakhee (kidding). You're asking guys to find confidence where they have none. Therefore, they drink. And they drink alot. Because if one shot makes us feel like Aamir Khan, then five shots will make us feel like Salman Khan (and well all know how much girls love that sexy bad boy)...

Girls may adore a sincere guy who can make her smile. But they're not likely to sleep with him, now are they? And isn't that what our little 2am chicken n' rice party boyz want when they see you at Earth or Deep or wherever. They want some ass, they don't want your respect. They want to be Colin Farrell, not Tom Hanks.

At the end of the day...the whole holla crowd is a numbers game. Yell at enough girls and one of them might be drunk enough to find you charming enough to see her naked. And that's the end of it.

I'd also like to address a distinct subset of the male population: the south asian club hopping desi male out n' about with his bOyZ...

What do you expect from us? Guys don't know what to do. They have no history to fall back on. Dad isn't there to give them words of advice. For dad, his idea of hitting on a girl was getting a relative to put an ad in the Hindustani times. And once he cornered the girl in a room his game consisted of gems like, "so, how are you liking university?" or "i'm in my 3rd year of engineering college and I have my H1B Visa" or "yes, my father went to school with your father"...

Along those lines...that's why you have so many of the 2nd tier desi boys (the one's with a tad bit more class than the 'holla' boys) who when putting the moves on a girl will go with scintillating conversation like, "yeah, I just got a six figure job as an analyst with Morgan Stanley. I'm not sure if I want to be a commodities trader or if I want to do something really sexy like Roth IRA's" or "..and I bought a piece of property on the lower east side. Ya know, someplace to put my beamer." There they stand with the well-coiffed spike---ensconsed with 20 gallons of hair gel--and the snazzy dress shirt and dress slacks. They have the classic Indian handsomeness (maybe they're even over 5'9)...and yet they're oh so dense.....

Guys having game? That's a joke. They don't know what they're doing because they really don't have much of a model to fall back on and they don't have "the abcd'ers idiots guide to hitting on girls". The rules of engagement that apply to their caucasian counterparts don't really apply.

And I'll end by saying in defense of the holla boys, that the ladies of NYC--as lovely as all of you are---aren't exactly without blame. Girls looove the power play of it all (admit it, you do). The moment a girl hits puberty and notices "changes" in her own physique she also notices the scary way in which boys and older men are suddenly looking at her. And from there on, the way she handles that interaction will dictate her whole approach to men for the rest of her life. At some point she knows she has a certain power in this dynamic and how she handles that new found ability also affects the way boys will treat other girls.

And I'll leave it there...

Crooked Teeth...

On Being Alone

What can I say about being alone? It’s lonely being alone. It’s sweets and A-minor. It’s gray and stubborn. It’s bitter and Dostoyevsky. It’s Radiohead and candles. It’s rain and sighs. It’s ‘the-glass-is-half-empty’ and paranoia. It’s sweatpants and discolored visage. It's indecision and indifference. It’s soft horns and disappearing under the sheets. It’s 10 missed calls and unjust reclusion. It’s bloating and remembering. It’s pictures and smiles. It’s futile letters and arbitrary anger. It’s mirrors and regret. It’s too much wine and late night calls. It’s praying and sleeping. It’s throwing and keeping. It’s breaking and judging. It’s insomniac fiction and fulfilling hunger. It’s stubbly legs and smooth longings. It's a song played one too many times. It’s salty lips and hopefullness. It's the gentle nudge of old rhythms. It’s happiness come round once again. Alone is discovery, it is anticipation and it is change.

The familiar face of renaissance reveals herself in the cool calm of the morning. Alone; I wholeheartedly embrace her.

12/18/03

A man is never as fortunate or as unfortunate as he imagines.
-La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)

Man In The Bubble

I walk 20 blocks to work and 20 blocks back home, everyday. To some it sounds like a lot, but it really isn’t much at all, especially when ‘all the world is a stage.’ One of my favorite things to do is to walk and observe all that is going on around me. In New York City there is no lack of entertainment. Every other corner is a man tapping or chanting. Each subway stop has a Broadway-worthy performance. Dancers, singers, poets, gymnasts, preachers – there is an act for every boy and girl. And only in New York City will you see a man willing to trap himself in a giant fish bowl for 170 hours.

I live directly behind Lincoln Center. On my way to work last Tuesday I noticed a crowd congregating at the center of New York’s premiere performing arts center, which I pass everyday. I saw what appeared to be a massive marble placed in front of the fountain. As I moved closer I noticed a man inside. The sign in front read, “David Blaine: Drowned Alive.” It then continued to explain: ‘you are under risk of being video taped if you remain in this area.’ I had no clue what the new stunt was about, though I must admit I was quite intrigued. Everyday for the next several days the crowd grew bigger and bigger. Finally, I gave in, and at about midnight on Thursday I walked over to a relatively meager group of people still hovering over the famous illusionist. I waited in line for 5 minutes and made my way up to the aquatic sphere. At first I felt as though I were looking at a caged animal. It was a circus-like atmosphere, people flashing pictures, children pointing and asking to “touch.” I was just waiting for the cotton candy and clowns to come out. But as I looked into the glass I saw him, peaceful, sleeping. I put my hand on the glass; he looked up for a moment and waved at me faintly. That was it. To my surprise it was actually an invigorating experience. I can’t exactly explain why however. You just had to be there.

Tonight, he held his breath for 7 minutes and 8 seconds. Not the record he was going for, which was to break the supposed all time record of 9 minutes, though this is still up for debate. Nevertheless, Blaine is a performer, the 21st-century Houdini. Many argue whether his stunts are real mental challenges as he portrays. He’s been buried alive for seven days, remained on a 100 foot platform for 35 hours, levitated on a busy Manhattan street, stayed frozen for 61 hours – all on camera and in front of hundreds to see in the flesh (or so we think).

I am more inclined to believe than not, because let’s face it, believing is more fun. That and the fact that I grew up with a professional magician/yogi/actor for an Uncle who used to mesmerize me for hours with his Las Vegas acts (I’ll leave those details for another post ;-). In any case, I experienced the “magic” first hand this past week. Maybe it was all of the people, wanting to believe, together. All gathered to cheer on one man in his quest to break a record. There was a constant whirl of high energy and spirits all week. Real or not, it was uplifting and exciting. Sometimes illusions keep us young and inspired. Are we not all guilty of a little illusion here or there?

I wonder what stunt we have to look forward to next. One thing is certain, that Blaine sure does know how to draw in a crowd.

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Girl-Woman

Disaster is approaching the edge of my skirt. Not just a girl. A Indian girl, living in the city, away from home is not uncommon, but it is never easy. After being a bridesmaid in my best friend’s wedding several weekends ago the waters began to stir and I got caught in the current. Mom: “A boy’s mother was asking about you.” Of course being a bull-headed, independent, Desi daughter I grunted and refused to even look in the direction of the suitor. Mostly because I was preoccupied with friends and also because that is far from my present agenda, very far from. Afterward I thought about it and wondered if I was too rash, perhaps I should’ve considered? Nah, I thought, and proceeded to dance with my friends.

I am a Girl-Woman. Neither here, nor there. I struggle with the term "woman" because it is so definitive. I prefer to pick and choose when I want to be a woman. On the weekends, a girl. At home with Mom and Dad, a Tomboy. At work, absolutely a woman. While on a date, a lady. With girlfriends, a girl-woman. Whatever the situation calls for I’ll conform. I don’t feel I have to make that decision at twenty-five. I can rock heels and a pencil skirt if need be, and sport sandals and a baby doll dress the next day if the mood calls for it. The choice is mine for a short period of time. Not much longer, but I have a few years to salvage as a girl and I’ll take it, thank you very much. Suitors can wait while I continue with my tea parties, dress-up and girl talk for now. The mischievously demure manner of which a girl possesses is not an easy transition to the provocative and intense nature of womanhood. There is a pale pink area, almost fuchsia, not white nor crimson, where us Girl-women fall under.

Though it will be catching up with me before I know it, I have the best of both worlds at the moment and I adore it.

A New Taste, A New Perspective

Something of vengeance I had tasted for the first time; as aromatic wine it seemed, on swallowing, warm and racy: its after-flavour, metallic and corroding, gave me a sensation as if I had been poisoned.
-Bronte

Does it not follow that the pleasures of such a life are illusory phantoms of real pleasure, in which pleasure and pain are so combined that each takes its color and apparent intensity by contrast with the other?
-Plato

"holla!"

1.)a term used to try and talk or try and "hook-up" with a female.
Ex. "Ey mama can i HOLLA atchu fa a minute"

source: http://www.urbandictionary.com/

Dear Male Readers,

Here is a word of advice: do not “holla,” under any circumstances. I don’t care if Kanye, Pharell, the Ying Yang Twins or “25 cent” does it. You’re not in a rap video and neither are the girls you “holla” at. Zero times out of 10 will a lady respond to that (unless of course, you are trying to attract Lo-Lo from the street corner). Time and time again have I seen you out in the city, trying to get the attention of women, shouting, “hey!” HEY is for horses. Seriously. Chances are you’re not going to wrangle a girl in off the streets. If you see a potential out and about, try making eye contact, if she looks at you try smiling. If she sticks around after that then she might think you’re cute. Then, and ONLY then do you approach her. At that point you can say “Hi.” If she smiles, you’re IN. If she looks up and turns away you probably don’t have a chance. Get over it.

Read very carefully. In fact, copy and paste this baby to your desktop: 1) a look can say a thousand words. If you’re out somewhere in the “scene,” you see a cute little thing and you’re unsure of what to say, then don’t say anything at all. And don’t linger around her like some creepy fungus that has nowhere to go. Do your own thing. If she likes you, she’ll remain in your vicinity. More often than not your gut will tell you if a girl is interested. Things like body language, eye contact, inquisitive responses – these are signals that she’s digging you. Remember: A look and a smile. Try it a few times, it builds suspense…and then make your way over. 2) Confidence is everything. Be true to yourself, always. Don’t try and be the suave guy if you’re a goofy guy. And don’t force yourself to be funny if you’re shy and reserved. We all have a thing for the strong-silent type as we do for the class clown. Be confident with who you are because it, and lack of, always exudes. 3) Wit and humor can go a long way. All girls adore a sincere guy who can make her smile. But there’s a fine line between funny and obnoxious. One way to refrain from the latter is not to get wasted. Stay composed and aware of the words that are coming out of your mouth. There’s nothing worse than a sloppy, drunk dude trying to kick game. And don't be too cocky; major turnoff.

Oh and one final, very important note: DON’T EVER touch a girl you don’t know. Please don’t try and grab her arm when she walks by. And don’t sneak up behind her on the dance floor either. A defense mechanism immediately triggers in females, which results in automatic failure on your part.

My experiences being single in New York City thus far have been mixed, but mostly positive. Since I’m not inclined to respond kindly to random guys just about anywhere at this point in my life, I’m always the observer. And what an amusing role it is.

Good luck gentlemen. May the force be with you.