I have found myself in a curious situation. A picture was passed through hands and ended up somewhere in California as a topic of conversation between two Mothers (neither of which was my own). Ultimately, it caused a gentleman living across the country, to contact me. Whether it was he or his Mother that motivated this gesture is still unclear, nevertheless, the lines of communication are open.
A few days earlier, a good friend called to inform me that "California" would be getting in touch. My first thought was "this guy wants to talk to me based off of a picture? How superficial." I was judging him for judging me (even if it was in a positive way). I thought, if he is contacting me solely from a picture, what does that say about him? Might he be materialistic or arrogant? Isn't it only appropriate to meet someone first, before you think of dating them? Afterall, personality and body language play a big role in deciding who you want to date. How could that possibly be determined when 3,000 miles apart??
Then came his email. When I read a grammatical error my eyebrow raised just a tinge. There I was, judging him, just the same. Not off of appearance, but grammar! After several emails his words began to shape him. It turns out he is able to write and express himself much better than most. The first impression was hardly reflective of who he is. Next, I was able to put a face to the words, then a voice. It is all coming together like a little puzzle: words, messages, pictures, intonation. I was surprised when I found myself sincerely intrigued. I realized then, due to past romantic infections, that I am quick to judge these days.
Maybe he just saw a picture of a girl and felt compelled. So instead of passing judgment, I should just tell my impervious mind to shut up and get to know him. And so I have.
When I ask him "why" he would even think of potentially pursuing someone across the country, he says, "Why not? You never know." He tends to respond to my questions with another question. I haven't decided whether that's acceptable or not, but I'm having fun trying to figure it out.
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10 comments:
it def doesn't hurt to keep the lines of communication open with someone who is many miles away but it also depends on what mindstate you are in. i'd have to be in that place where i'm ready to seriously date someone first, which i think i am, but i'm not sure if i could do long distance at this point. prefer local for some intangible reason. well maybe cause i want her to be easily tangible, i don't think i'm making sense. i told you this 7am thing is mad out..
i have to say the pic of your back and this blog are extremely intruiging and could very easily provoke someone to contact you just because, well, you never know.
please delete this blog if it makes no sense, my eyelids are trying to shut the world out..
does "californication" like to dance? ; )
I guess we'll just have to wait and find out. Who knows if this guy can dance..
My question: why did miss R. allow this californication to contact her? After all, he didn't get her contact info without her permission...right?
Anonymous, you are right...I agreed to let "California" have my info. It was good timing, really. I was much more open to the idea of talking to new people than I had been previously.
Perhaps, somewhere underneath all of my negative assumptions, I was also thinking, "why not?"
rakhee, you need to step up your posts on this blog. as a subscriber i've noticed that you've only posted 4 or so blogs in the last month. lets get it going girl, i'm still waiting for that prelim manuscript...
and it seems people are afraid to respond to this latest posting..only 3 comments thus far.
hey karma police and kiran and anonymous roommates and whoever else wants to comment...so here are some questions:
how many of you are open to the idea of meeting and possibly dating someone across the country? Or putting up a profile on shaadi.com? (or whatever desi dating site you're into). How many of you would do the---what the heck is it called---the flirteve.com thing? One of those desi speed dating things? Have any of you--aside from Rakhee done it? Entertained the idea?
Frankly, I'm just too jaded on women in general. I can't be bothered with the whole thing. My attitude these days is: Someone give me a good book and slide my mail under the door.
I'll be honest, my biggest impediment is my 'too cool for school' mentality. It ties in well with my general misanthropy.
Along those lines.....there are studies out these days that would indicate that Americans are increasingly isolated socially. We email and text message a ton, we have friendster, facebook. And yet more and more of us are living in a four-walled world with a laptop.
But I wonder how much of that really applies to desi's where many of us were brought up with stronger ties to our ethnic communities? Therefore, we have a better tradition for making contacts and keeping in touch with people. A larger support base.
One study said that Americans have fewer 'strong friendships' now then we did twenty years ago. The flaw in that theory is that we might have stronger definitions and more rigorous criteria for what constitutes a strong friendship.
So the relationship of the loneliness study to our esteemed Blogger is merely that in our western culture, which is increasingly smaller and larger at the same time, we are quickly adapting new methods to find others. Even in an island like Manhattan. (and what does that say about New York City?? And is there something up with the quality of Indian guys in NYC?)
KP- you are right, I'm a slacker. The thoughts are there, but the motivation is lagging. Thanks for the swift kick in the arse.
I think there is something to be said about long distance relationships and taking chances. People don't do it enough these days and so we remain in our little bubbles, afraid of the big bad world. Afraid of getting hurt. We're all jaded, CT. I am too. But due to my romantic nature, I've entertained long distance dating, among other things. It is rarely my own ideas, but somehow I always wind up in these situations after some coaxing. I don't regret any of it.
And it turns out that "California" can actually dance.
how do you know he can dance if you've never met him....
UNLESS...
...you got a webcam and you asked for him to bust a move for you?
OR...perhaps he paid a visit to our little Big Apple..hmmmmm?
Devil's Advocate: getting parents and websites involved in the "matchmaking" process. For a guy, isn't that like cheating? It's like looking in the back of your textbook for the solutions to your problem set. You're saying, "ok mom and dad and aunties, I can't do it. I give up. Can you hook me up with someone?"
Imagine needing a little help in the right direction and asking other people for guidance to help find what you're looking for to make you happy. That's soooo...NOT such a bad idea after all..
Five points for Rakhee taking a chance and a bonus point for the speed dating experience.
Maybe it isn't so clear as saying, 'now you're turning to your parents for help' or 'taking a new avenue by online dating", instead of going the natural route of just randomly meeting someone you're attracted to.
Sometimes things just happen. Maybe you should stop overanalyzing things so much Crooked and just let whatever happens, happens, without so much expectation. Perhaps that would relieve you of all the jadedness.
R - how did you know that Cali can dance? Was there a meet adn greet? We'd like to know.
Maybe it isn't so clear as saying, 'now you're turning to your parents for help' or 'taking a new avenue by online dating", instead of going the natural route of just randomly meeting someone you're attracted to.
Sometimes things just happen. Maybe you should stop overanalyzing things so much Crooked and just let whatever happens, happen, without so much expectation. Perhaps that would relieve you of all your jadedness.
R - how did you know that Cal can dance? Was there a meet n' greet? We'd like to know.
CT, i've entertained the idea of speed dating and online profiles but thats as far as its gone. not to say there's anything wrong with it at all, i'm happy for the one's that employ such avenues in order to network and meet that special one. i think its great and has allowed so so many south asians to meet each other.
i'm not jaded, i easily could give in and be so but i won't allow it. too too many women in this world that aren't the reason why some of us are, well, jaded, and i intend to meet one.
as for long distance relationships, i'm personally out on that at this moment. i've just come to the realization this past year that i'm ready to date someone seriously after 4 years of being happily single. so i feel i could meet and actually already know women that i'd like to open my eyes and world to whom i didn't in the past because well i would have given them only 25% of me and been leading them on, so i chose not to these past 4 years. but now i'm ready to give my all, and am pretty damn excited about it all..
nyc guys (as i smirk), no offense to anyone on this post, hmmmm, well all i can say is what i've heard from my girlfriends and well what i've seen at some speed dating and south asian networking events...and i feel for the women here..
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