Below is a very enlightening response to my previous blog entry entitled, "holla!" I received it via email since it is obviously too long to post as a comment. I thought it so well expressed and entertaining that it deserved a honorary posting on my blog. Enjoy.
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oh what? you don't appreciate being propositioned by NYC guys?
I don't think guys holla unless (a) they've had some degree of positive feedback in the past with that approach before or (b) it's the only thing they know to do.
The thing is...I actually know guys who are able to get away with some of the stuff you mentioned (grabbing a girl by the arm and saying something like "lick my ear lobe" and it works). There's always one little alpha male in the herd who gets away with the audacious moves that make him a "legend" within his pack of beta males and the beta males end up going all over NYC bolstered by the success of alpha males success and they imitate to miserable results.
Let's be honest there are only a few things that really work for a man when he's trying to get the attention of a completely unknown female. He has to be able to do one of the following things: (a) dance (b) look like Hrithik or (c) have a rap (line of BS) so astounding that he could sell 10 tons of hamburger patties to a vegetarian.
Guys don't have confidence. They're insecure as hell (in general). Especially around icy death maidens such as Rakhee (kidding). You're asking guys to find confidence where they have none. Therefore, they drink. And they drink alot. Because if one shot makes us feel like Aamir Khan, then five shots will make us feel like Salman Khan (and well all know how much girls love that sexy bad boy)...
Girls may adore a sincere guy who can make her smile. But they're not likely to sleep with him, now are they? And isn't that what our little 2am chicken n' rice party boyz want when they see you at Earth or Deep or wherever. They want some ass, they don't want your respect. They want to be Colin Farrell, not Tom Hanks.
At the end of the day...the whole holla crowd is a numbers game. Yell at enough girls and one of them might be drunk enough to find you charming enough to see her naked. And that's the end of it.
I'd also like to address a distinct subset of the male population: the south asian club hopping desi male out n' about with his bOyZ...
What do you expect from us? Guys don't know what to do. They have no history to fall back on. Dad isn't there to give them words of advice. For dad, his idea of hitting on a girl was getting a relative to put an ad in the Hindustani times. And once he cornered the girl in a room his game consisted of gems like, "so, how are you liking university?" or "i'm in my 3rd year of engineering college and I have my H1B Visa" or "yes, my father went to school with your father"...
Along those lines...that's why you have so many of the 2nd tier desi boys (the one's with a tad bit more class than the 'holla' boys) who when putting the moves on a girl will go with scintillating conversation like, "yeah, I just got a six figure job as an analyst with Morgan Stanley. I'm not sure if I want to be a commodities trader or if I want to do something really sexy like Roth IRA's" or "..and I bought a piece of property on the lower east side. Ya know, someplace to put my beamer." There they stand with the well-coiffed spike---ensconsed with 20 gallons of hair gel--and the snazzy dress shirt and dress slacks. They have the classic Indian handsomeness (maybe they're even over 5'9)...and yet they're oh so dense.....
Guys having game? That's a joke. They don't know what they're doing because they really don't have much of a model to fall back on and they don't have "the abcd'ers idiots guide to hitting on girls". The rules of engagement that apply to their caucasian counterparts don't really apply.
And I'll end by saying in defense of the holla boys, that the ladies of NYC--as lovely as all of you are---aren't exactly without blame. Girls looove the power play of it all (admit it, you do). The moment a girl hits puberty and notices "changes" in her own physique she also notices the scary way in which boys and older men are suddenly looking at her. And from there on, the way she handles that interaction will dictate her whole approach to men for the rest of her life. At some point she knows she has a certain power in this dynamic and how she handles that new found ability also affects the way boys will treat other girls.
And I'll leave it there...
Crooked Teeth...
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11 comments:
Well said Crooked Teeth. I like your comments. They're fun to read.
love the blog.. i find it intersting to read with ur move to a city since I'm experiencing the same.. i plan to move back to the states sometime.. and NYC would be my next destination.. best of luck and keep up the good work.
so what kind of guy are you crooked teeth?
the crying on the inside kind, I guess. ;)
CT, I think you did a good job of summing up what guys are up against, especially in the city. However, I still don't feel sympathy for that population of men who, after reach their mid to late 20s, still can't just be "normal" when approaching a female. And if we're talking strictly "getting ass" well then, who really cares what the approach is.
I was initially addressing the guys that see a woman they like, and though their loins might be telling them to grab, perhaps their minds are also intrigued by more than just what's underneath her dress. Isn't that possible? I mean, I know most men are all about getting layed -- but I do believe there are a lot out there that would actually like to sit across the table from a woman, share a good meal and have a stimulating conversation. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I really do think there are quite a few blokes that desire more than just a night of pleasure these days. Perhaps a relationship? I was just trying to steer them in the right direction. But what do I know.
I agree with Rakhee about what’s the point if the objective is, “getting some ass.” I think that both men and women really do want the same thing, i.e. a relationship. However, we first have to consider where exactly this whole “Holla!” situation occurs, more than likely it’s at a club or bar/lounge. Can you imagine being at one of these places and not drinking? So to start off, everybody’s inhibitions are at the least relaxed. It’s the perfect place to let loose with your buddies or for some people to have a “meeting of the minds” and go and grind or whatever. But, it’s probably the worst place to meet somebody of any substance. I mean, hey it could happen, but then again a monkey could jump through my window. Not that there is anything wrong with the people in attendance, the atmosphere is just not conducive for getting to know people. Blaring music, dim lighting, the propensity towards inebriation.
So what is the right place? Too late for us now, but how about when we where in college? In hindsight it was like a goldmine: living, studying, playing, partying, eating with peers of the opposite sex for years…what better place to get to know someone? Alas, I was just a young buck back then and did not have an Uncle or Aunt that could relate to my world and give me the simple yet wise advice to seize the opportunity.
So what do we do now? I don’t have the answers, but speed dating (at least Flirteve) is not as corny, impersonal, or unpleasant as they make it out to be in the movie Hitch. Also, I know two people that have actually gotten into relationships through eharmony (and yes, they’re desi). I, myself have met quality people through that service. Online sites are another way, of course you do have to be careful, but I feel as though there’s a stigmatism to even just meeting people online. Personally, I like to network through friends; I guess it’ll be different for everybody. Anyway, I’ve appreciated everybody’s perspective on this post and if anyone has anymore insight, well, just…”Holla!”…LOL
I actually agree with what many of you are saying. I was playing the devil's advocate more than anything else.
I was totally with you until you called Salman Khan a sexy bad boy!! haahaa!! But here's my two cents. Cent #1: regardless of our intentions (relationship and/or ass), it's not quite as simple as playing it cool, making eye contact, and reading a women's body language … because for that 'magic' to happen, you first have to be able to get a women's attention ... which is by no means a small feat! So while some of us wait for the stars to align, most of us choose to take matters into our own hands. I don’t disagree that we tend to lack a little creativity at times, but that’s where the holla'ing, arm grabbing, and the lame "i drive a beemer" spiels come into play - we're simply trying to get your attention!! Undoubtedly a simply 'hello' might accomplish the same, but …. and this leads me to Cent #2: perhaps women are a little too quick to judge - its not easy to confidently stroll up to a cute little thang and say "Hello". I can count the number of times I've been approached by a random female ... presumably because women don't necessarily relish the thought of putting themselves out there like that. But we are expected to do so time and again. Not that I'm complaining, cause usually that’s half the fun. But for those of us still learning the power of the force, don't judge too harshly … our game may be weak, but we nonetheless deserve an "A" for effort.
I'll be the first to admit I can be quite short and downright rude to a guy if he comes up to me without tact. But if he takes a gentleman-like approach I'll be nice, maybe even have a short conversation. Bottom line, it's all in the approach. If you want our attention, think before you act.
And I agree, most women are too quick to judge. Ladies, lets work on that :-)
being spoken to on the streets by some random ass guy is the most annoying thing in the world. lately, its becoming this nuisance i can't get rid of. who the hell told men,"hey! wait to get in a girl's heart is by approaching her on the street, grabbing her hand and making a kissing sound." is there some secret school men went to when they were little that taught them this ridiculous "game"? i'm beginning to think so....
many men are hunter-gatherers and sadly they still employ a multitude of those tactics when it comes to women, but its 2006 and not the stone age. unfortunately they are not going to change, the hissing and hollaring will continue and for those guys who do enjoy stimulating conversation over a fine dinner and want to discover the person underneath the clothes, well they will be cast in the dark shadow of this generalized impression of men. unfair, yes, but "we" (non-holla guys) do hope women see the glaring difference..
kiran, flirteve appreciates your support. thanks for giving us a holla, oh shit i just said holla. damn.
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