Wednesday, March 15, 2006

ADDICTED.

"Addiction is a compulsion to repeat a behaviour regardless of its consequences," says Wikipedia



There are rituals and then there are addictions. I think the key words here are 'consequence' and 'compulsion' (in no particular order). There are things in this world that, if done in excess, we all know are detrimental to our health: drugs, alcohol, gambling, smoking, food etc. We don't need to read about the most recent FDA study to explain the effects. Your average American is addicted to something. As you read this you might be thinking, "Well, I'M not addicted to anything." Maybe so or maybe you just haven't figured it out yet because it's not typical. There was a time where I really enjoyed smoking and still, on rare occasions, I find satisfaction out of smoking one cigarette -- a similar type of enjoyment I get from drinking a glass of wine. But a few years ago, I had been smoking regularly, buying packs, smoking in my car, taking smoke breaks. One morning, I woke up and felt completely disgusted. Since then it's been once, maybe twice a month, because as hypocritical as it sounds, I do find it to be a disgusting habit. I'd say that was my first run-in with addiction. Then came the second...


I have been known to say that I do not have an addictive personality. In college, many people around me were doing drugs. And not just marijuana, but hardcore drugs. Sure, I was curious and may have even experimented, but I never altered my life because of it. I never missed class because I spent all night tripping. Did I ever miss class because I was hungover? Yes, several times. Does that mean I'm addicted to alcohol? I don't think so. Does addiction mean everyday? Every other day? Every week? Every hour? How can we gage addiction? I think I may have one. Coffee. I have been speculating whether my level of consumption could be considered a legitimate addiction or not.

I've been drinking coffee for about eight years now. I started drinking it in high school because I thought it was cool and it made me feel grown up. Eventually I began to enjoy the taste of it. Once I was in college everyone was drinking it. Staying up late cramming for exams and with the Starbucks boom it was just the thing to do. I started with the gateway coffee, like mochas and cappuccinos. By the time I entered into the working world in Washington D.C. I was officially hooked -- and on Starbucks none the less! (I know, it's horrible. I'm ashamed that I supplemented such corporate scum). I've recently come to terms with my addiction. For the past year or so I have been trying to alternate: one day coffee, the next day green tea. Sometimes I'll go several days without coffee and I'll be fine. Then I start to think, "what's the big deal?"

I recently learned coffee has benefits! (This is what us addicts do. We justify our addictions. 'Oh, crack-cocaine is okay in moderation. At least I still have all my teeth!'). But seriously, there really are some benefits to coffee (http://www.webmd.com/content/article/80/96454.htm). Of course, with the good comes the bad: dehydration, the jitters, and yellow teeth! The thing is I only drink one small cup a day, with lots of cream so I consider myself on the low end of the coffee-addict-spectrum. However, each morning, when I'm on my way to work, before I approach my favorite local coffee shop (Tartare at W. 45th and 9th Ave.), I anticipate that steaming cup of brew between my fingers and the first heavenly sip going down -- for a brief moment I think, '...snap yourself out of it. It's coffee, not a man.' But I've come to realize drinking coffee is not just an addiction, it's a culture. It's a social pit stop; just another setting where people can come together and have a conversation. The truth is coffee is one of my comforts. Along with chocolate, my mom's chai, my dad's chicken curry, cheese-its, steaming hot showers, and about 100 other things. So, I ask myself this: Do the negative effects of coffee outweigh the enjoyment I have drinking it? If I'm not really hurting myself or anyone around me, then why can't I just enjoy my coffee guilt-free?

From the experiences I've had and the observations I've made, addiction qualifies as something which you once enjoyed that has taken over you, your thoughts, your body and you just can't seem to function naturally without it.

What's your addiction?

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

i would like to know how guilt free those that are addicted to drugs, smoking and sex feel about themselves and their "addictions".

Rakhee said...

I think that there are different levels and severities, if you will, to addiction. All addicts must feel at least a little guilty or they wouldn't be questioning their addiction, right? But we always find a way to justify our actions -- that's the scary part.

Anonymous said...

I enjoyed the phrase you used - "gateway coffee." However, there were two others I could not relate to and are not universal. Therefore they should have been better illustrated. Those two are "corporate scum" and "it's coffee, not a man." Also, I didn't "feel" the guilt - yours or my own. Otherwise, I loved it! Keep up the great work! (No need to approve this comment. Its just for you)

Anonymous said...

Hi Rakheeinthecity,

I loved your piece on addiction. I need your professional advice.I have this addiction to sugar which is putting me over the edge lately. I have this reoccurring dream that has been bothersome. I dream that I walk into an ice cream parlor, and the ice cream specialist puts together this amazing piece of work, I'm talking whip cream, nuts, hot fudge, the works. I take a spoonful of the sugary goodness to my mouth, only to find out, I have no mouth. I wake up in a cold sweat..shaking. I need help.. please..PLEASE! i'll suck your d*ck for a twix. Yesterday, I danced cheek to cheek with a box of samoas. RITC.... HELP ME..

~Brown Sugar

Rakhee said...

Ehh, let me clarify two things. Firstly, I am not a "professional" anything. And most importantly, I do not have a dick. Now, Brown Sugar, it sounds to me that you have a pretty f*cked up addiction. I have a sweet-tooth myself so I can relate to your cravings -- but damn, I don't dream about it! This amount of sugar intake could seriously be dangerous to your health. You need to go to sugar rehab or something.

And to the comment previous to B.S., I wanted to respond which is why I posted it...I thank you for your criticisms. You have valid points. As for not 'feeling' the guilt, It's just a silly take on a serious subject matter. Though I do feel guilty for drinking coffee as often as I do, but I'm not sure why.