"Most human beings today waste some 25 to 30 years of their lives before they break through the actual and conventional lies which surround them."Isadora Duncan (1877-1927)
For over twenty years I watched my father drive to the same job, day after day, until he returned home at 11:15 pm. I would wait up for him to fit in 30-60 minutes of face time. He was not happy. If he could have been anywhere, doing anything, it would have been cooking or inhaling the outdoors. I watched my father get burnt out, imminently tired, stained with a perpetual frown. Though I would point this out to him, he never saw any way around it, “I have to make money to support the family, send you to school, pay bills.” He worked to live and lived to work. He retired a year ago and has been traveling and enjoying his freedom since. He claims now, after 40 years of working, is his chance for true happiness. We are alike in many ways, my Father and I, but not in this case. I could never wait.
When I told my father I was going to major in Film and English after High School graduation his eyes narrowed and jaw tightened. He didn’t have to say anything, I knew what he was thinking—just by being his daughter, ‘we become doctors, engineers, businessmen. Why do you have to be different? Why can’t you just choose one of those professions?!’ As a first-generation South Asian woman, I was up against centuries of educational building blocks and a sea of judgment.
The first and most predictable argument is money, “How will you support yourself?” Most parents, especially those not native to America, relentlessly push security and consistency. Literature, film and dance; none of which are in-line with those standards, just happen to be my passions. Society has conned us into believing they are phases for the “dreamers” and the less scholarly. Somewhere, somehow, I gained the perspective that if you love something enough it will transpire into something beneficial, regardless of how unconventional it is.
In time I was able to prove myself, I won my Father’s support and today, I produce documentaries for major networks. Not exactly my 14-year-old, wide-eyed fantasy, but I am certainly on the fruitful path to bigger dreams.
I truly believe we are each blessed with a gift that translates into our passions, and it's up to us to share that gift. Someone recently told me that this gift is a burden, which is the obligation to exercise it and not abuse or denigrate it. I like to think I’m still discovering this gift of mine and perhaps, along the way, I can create something that will touch or influence you in a bigger way, and that makes me a happy girl.
2 comments:
I'm with you. I recently graduated as a film student, same background as you and one of the main fears that I have is failing.
I had the full support of my family from the get go, but what scares me is will I become that cautionary tale that other Indian parents will tell their kids or will I be the success?
I try and move it out of my mind, but there's a lot riding on one's shoulders especially in an industry like this.
But, I think that I wasn't meant to be contained in cubicle or an office, but I was meant for grander things.
I sit in front of the computer every morning, looking for that in to the industry, hoping someone will look my way, but I remind myself that I'm the most happiest when I follow my dreams.
I wish you all the best and I hope that this is the start for all of us and not the halfway point.
Amar
Thank You Amar. Following your dreams takes serious guts - congrats to you. It's easy to follow the norm and take the predictable path that so many have taken before you. Fear is a product of the unknown. There are no guarantees of "success" in this business or in this life - (which begs the question 'what is success?').
I think my biggest fear, like yours, is failure, which has prevented me from pursuing many things unfortunately. But I know I would be absolutely miserable if I were constantly agonizing over what others thought of me. So I decided early on, not to care and that's been they key to my success so far.
Success to me is doing what you love everyday and using it to help other people in some capacity. Even this stupid blog, I love it when people leave comments (negative or positive) bc it triggers thoughts, that maybe he or she didn't think about before. I love that feeling. Which is why I work in the media. There are so many horrible influences out there, tainting our minds, delivering false realities on beauty and the state of the world...we owe it to one another to be honest and raw and inspiring.
Thanks Again Amar. Good luck to you.
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