**I’m excited about this subject because I have recently started a dialogue with several groups of people living and working in cities, all from different backgrounds. I’ve heard so many interesting opinions that I’d like to start a short series of various sub-topics on the new age of dating. I plan on exploring the condition of Endless Options, fear of rejection, escapism in the city, restraints of career and more taboo subjects that will hopefully cause you to be a bit uncomfortable and strike up discussion. Keep your eyes peeled for some fun posts and please don’t hold back on comments and suggestions ☺**
I had a conversation with a few ladies the other night while we were pre-drinking at a friend’s apartment in Chelsea. Lips glossed, hair straightened, heels strapped and waists belted -we discussed dating and hooking up in the city. “How many guys have you dated here?” asked the curvaceous marketing rep. They were shocked when I revealed a modest number – and even I began to question my deficient dating rate at their reaction. The 29-year-old banker divulged her record and inability to avoid dates, “When I first moved here I went on dates every week! There are just so many men in this city.” The next day I began thinking, ‘why is it so strange that I don’t date regularly?’ And ‘what is the deal with serial daters?’
The sociology of dating in New York City could be analyzed forever. Why so many young professionals remain single in a city full of beautiful, intelligent, successful and talented individuals is perplexing. I’ve dipped my toes in New York’s dating pool but I have yet to earnestly jump in. My reluctance is not due to lack of options. And opportunities have certainly arisen, but having been here a year now I can say I at least learned one thing about myself: I have no interest in dating multiple men. In fact the idea of dating in general is unappealing to me. What happened to friendships blossoming into something special? I know so many guys that don’t want to fall into the “friend zone,” but isn’t that what relationships are based on? And what’s with all the pressure? I've experienced an insurgence of individuals wanting immediate gratification. A man meets a woman (or vice versa) and after two dates it seems he needs to know immediately if she is wholly interested. And instead of taking some time to explore a little he flees. Slow and steady wins the race people, remember? We claim to be laid back and carefree, but really we have more rules than our parents did when searching for a mate.
Most people probably view my stance as shrewd or sullen because I don’t give ‘Mr. Blazer-wearing-bottle-service’ my number, they might even call me a snob. The truth is it has nothing to do with him – I’m just a romantic and so I expect a knock-me-on-my-ass encounter with someone who will make me feel (for lack of a better word) special. And not like the third girl he asked out that week. You might wonder, if I don’t give a guy a chance how will they make me feel special? I don’t have an answer – except for when there’s a will there’s a way. I mean, c’mon, what happened to chivalry, courtship and the things that love songs are made of? Are we to never again see the likes of John Cusack with a boombox over his head blaring "In Your Eyes"? These are relics of a time long gone I’m afraid...
5 comments:
check out the the book of love (lyrics + song, also by petey). i think it speaks to the modern romantic. while romanticism is definitely a relic in certain aspects, it's far from forgotten. whether a girl likes to give guys a chance or not, i'm sure the right guy (with the right girl) will manage to find a way in - even if unintentionally. ...whether they find each other at the right time is up for question. for those that don't there's always single life/divorce. i like ending on a happy note.
The Book of Love? Hm, I'll look into it.
I'm not saying romance is forgotten, not at all. I think most of us are romantics at heart, we're just less likely to believe in it these days. Maybe it's age, maybe it's the city or maybe it's just a series of bad experiences, who knows.
Re: 'i'm sure the right guy (with the right girl) will manage to find a way in.'
For some reason I think suburban men are far more persistant than city men - this is solely from my own experiences. But I have yet to be proven wrong. (This is something I'm going to touch on in another post.)
I totally agree with you on the "frienship first" point. I've been in love twice -- both times with friends who evolved into something more. Getting to know someone for who they really are... Growing to mutually care for each other... that's really the only way I know how. I also hate dating - hate looking pretty for someone I don't give a f*ck about, hate the pressure of knowing it's a date, hate sitting through it if it sucks, and *really* hate it if he tries to systematically get fresh... Learn to find the "moment" jackass... it's NOT ON THE FIRST DATE!
There are definitely different types of daters. Would you consider going to dinner with "a friend" a date? To me, I consider that just hanging out with a friend of the opposite sex. I enjoy sharing a good meal with someone I care about, rather than some random person I don't really know.
wow, its beena while, raks i apologize for the long absence..i have to say i miss reading your blog!
as for this post, i have to agree with you, i'm all for the "friends first" path to love. the two serious relationships i've had in my life started with friendship and blossomed into love, well one did, the other kind of scared me. but i think there are a lot of "friends" out there who have this amazing chemistry, connection, and craving for one another but either subconsciously don't speak of it or are afraid it may ruin a friendship. we need to speak out more and let this everpresent guard down every now and then..
and i'm not one to date either, i never have been. can't recall when i lasted dated dated a girl. i won't front, i do have my share of "fun" but, maybe here's where i need to adjust, i don't someone unless i know i'm completely into them and ready to. why lead someone on when you know nothing may come out of it or are unsure? its unfair to both people..
funny you speak of the "friend zone", i've never been afraid to fall into that because i'm hoping whoever i do meet believes in the same path. but to defend the men, there are a lot of women in nyc that are just as bad some of "those" men..
fyi, i'm going to stop wearing a blazer..
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