Can We Change?

When a person has become the thing that they were shaped, developed and molded into for years, can they still alter themselves just because they want to? Characteristics such as temperament, tolerance, values etc. those are inherent aren’t they? Where is there proof that people can change repetitive traits? There have been innumerous instances when our partners cheat and many of us have all gone through the process…the cheater apologizes over and over again, begging forgiveness. Some of us forgive, others do not. Is the phrase ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’ valid? If a man or woman cheats on his or her mate is that not a flaw in character, rather than a lapse of judgment as many of us would like to believe? Doesn’t that say something about one's morality?

Let’s take a severe example: I believe it is something like 75% of reformed sex offenders attack again, after they’ve been released back into society, after they’ve gone through countless counseling sessions in institutions that specialize in changing people. At the same time there is that 25% that do not repeat their offenses (either that or it wasn’t taken into account). Let’s just say 25% of them do in fact “change.” They have been reformed into “normal” citizens and can partake in day-to-day activities that all of us “normal” humans partake in. Each day they wake up, get dressed, brush their teeth, and enter the world to do the things we all need to do in order to survive. They work, they get paid, and they come home, most likely to no one because who would ever want to be with a convicted sex offender. Everyday they pass potential victims on the street, in the grocery store, on the bus; vulnerable women or children, waiting to be attacked. It’s tempting, but they conjure up the exercises they were taught in counseling for this very situation. They imagine a happy place or repeat some verse from the Bible or some other crap. This meditation helps to drown out the ceaseless images. The deep, dark, sick desires. It is a compulsion. Each day is a struggle. Each day is a prison cell; a prisoner of one’s own self. I don’t think there would be anything worse. So, again, can people really change? Or are they just drowning out who they inherently are and therefore being miserable anyway? And once someone appears “changed” how can we really be sure?

Watch “The Woodsman,” it is disturbingly beautiful.

Upcoming Shows Worth The Money

Some might think, 'good band = good show.' Wrong. That is not always the case. But I can say from personal experience that the musicians listed below put on an unforgettable performance. Some bands sound great on speakers, and others sound even better live. I personally get a thrill from seeing live performances. It's just an entirely different experience. And I'm not talking about elaborate stage design or state-of-the-art lighting. I'm speaking purely about the sound and vibe from these performers. Go see the shows below if you can. Trust me, it's worth the money. And if anyone knows of any other upcoming shows let me know.

STARS
February 25, 2006 @ Webster Hall, New York City

COLDPLAY w/ FIONA APPLE
March 5, 2006 @ MCI Center, Washington DC
March 26, 2006 @ Nassau Coliseum, Uniondale, NY

DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE w/ FRANZ FERDINAND
April 11, 2006 @ Constitution Hall, Washington DC
April 13, 2006 @ Hammerstein Ballroom Manhattan Center, New York City

JAIMIE CULLUM
March 25, 2006 @ 930 Club, Washington DC
March 29, 2006 @ Town Hall, New York City

See Stars and Set Yourself On Fire

This band (currently getting the most play on my iPod, alongside, Sade and John Mayer), is a pleasantry among the current barage of bands in the indie movement. Don't get me wrong, I am a total indie supporter. In fact, it's most of what I listen to these days. Stars were unexpected in my world of music. A few months back in Providence, I saw them open for one of my fav bands, Death Cab for Cutie. It's rare that I really dig opening bands. And even when I watched them perform I wasn't awestruck or anything like that. But I found myself very intrigued. I was enjoying the sound, it wasn't quite like anything I had heard before. I just knew I liked it, which led me to purchase the album Set Yourself On Fire. I listened to it a few times, enjoyed it and put it aside. I recently revisited it and can't get enough. There are two lead singers, primarily a male voice which tangos nicely with that of the female lead. Soft, angelic, sexy. They come across as intimate partners and you can feel it not only in the music but in the lyrics. Set Yourself on Fire, to me, is a relationship gone awry. Up, down, sideways, underside, reversed, horizontal, vertical. Any angle you look at it, it's just one of those things you can't figure out, as is the nature of relationships. A neverending (or sometimes tail-chasing) enigma we choose to embrace. I love this album. Plain and simple. There's a certain tone throughout...a kind of sexy desolation. Did I say that I love this album? I do. I urge you to check them out. They're playing at the legendary Webster Hall in NYC on February 25 (if anyone can get tickets, let me know!). You can catch them at all other major cities as well. Enjoy...

One More Night

Try as he might
He's unable to speak
He grabs her by the hair
He strokes her on the cheek
The bed is un-made
Like everything is
Dark little heaven
At the top of the stairs

Take me like that
Ruin it all
Then build it again
By the light in the hall

He drops to his knees
Says please my love, please
I'll kill who you hate
Take off that dress, you won't freeze

One more night, that was a good one
One more night, I dreamed it was good one (one more)
One more night, that was a good one
One more night, the end should be a good one
A good one

He starts with her back
Cause thats what he sees
When she's breaking his heart
She still fucks like a tease

Release to the sky
Look him straight in the eye
And tell him right now
That you wish he would die

You'll never touch him again
So get what you can
Bleeding him empty
Just because he's a man

So good when it ends
They'll never be friends
One more night
That's all they can spend is

One more night, that was a good one
One more night, I dreamed it was good one (one more)
One more night, that was a good one
One more night, the end should be a good one
A good one

Let It Snow!

I Love New York indeed...

Absolutely gorgeous! Around 4pm yesterday it began to snow and hasn't stopped since! At first it didn't seem to be sticking but as it went into the night the roads were covered in white. My friends and I debated whether we would stay in or venture out. Of course we chose the latter. How could we resist the dangers of walking on slick sidewalks in high heeled boots. Catching a cab around 10pm on the upper west side was no problem. Even better was the fact that we didn't have to wait in line once we arrived at the lounge. I had the good sense of not staying out so late. I left my friends around 1am for the warm and dry confines of my apartment. I heard that it was not an easy task hailing a cab in the snow around 3am. Lucky me :-) Today, I've just been observing the city and I can't help but love it. It is really a beautiful sight. There is over a foot of snow on the ground right now and it is said to be accumulating 3 inches per hour! Will that stop me? Hell no. My roommates and I have decided to venture out into the blizzard once again. We're going to the movies. Though it's only 4 blocks away I'm sure it will be an adventure. I wish I had snow boots! I'll just have to go oldskool and pull out the plastic bags like Moms used to. Brokeback Mountain, here I come. I'll let you how it is. In the meantime enjoy some snow ridden scenes from around the city.

Blizzard 2006, New York City

Speed Dating. Oh yea.

I signed up about a month ago, partly as a joke and partly out of curiosity. A friend of mine did it several months back and got a kick out of it. So I figured, why not? I convinced a guy friend of mine to join me -- in case the night took a turn for the worst we’d have one another to bail each other out. My expectations were low in the sense that I was certain I was not going to meet anyone worthwhile but rather it would be a great source of amusement. The thought of sitting in front of 21 men, for three minute intervals, basically asking bio data questions was hilarious to me. And that was my attitude going into it; this is going to be funny.

Directly after work, I hopped on the train headed downtown and arrived at the location where the event was being held. I walked to the back room, which was the lounge area of the restaurant. At first sight it was a nice setting, conducive at the least. Dimly lit but light enough to see clearly that who is sitting across from you. All seats were strategically placed for partnering up and each table had a number. As I walked further into the lounge I observed most of the people at the bar. At the other end a cameraman and producer from MTV Desi were set up. Now things were getting interesting! I signed up and received my number. I was #7 (a divisible of my lucky number, 14. Yes, I tend to be superstitious). I walked over to the bar and ordered a Pinot Grigio (I prefer Noir, but didn’t want my teeth to get red. You know how that can be). I made a friend with another girl as my guy friend had not arrived yet (we’ll call him “Peter”). So, since Peter wasn’t there yet I made friends with “Ami.” She seemed to be the only one not there with friends. We actually hit it off nicely and turned out we were sitting right next to each other during the event. Okay, let me fast forward. This is how it works: there’s 21 guys and 21 girls. Each guy has a number that corresponds with a girl’s number, which is how it starts off. I had # 7 so the lucky gentleman with #7 sat down in front of me first. Then the bell rings. At this point you have 3 to 5 minutes to talk. There is also a pen and list in front of you with numbers, where you can jot down names and notes of each guy. Like, #1-Cutie, #4-nice smile, #12 -Bad breath etc. It was all quite typical, “What do you do? Where are you from? How old are you? Where did you go to school?” It felt forced most of the time but everyone was pleasant so it wasn’t a bother. I must say the most entertaining part of the night was the girl to my left (not Ami, who was on my right). We’ll call girl on left, GFB (Girl From Bombay). GFB was WASTED before the first bell even rang! Her top cut very low. To say she had cleavage would be an understatement, it was more like nippage. And with each drunken bend, the whole room got a show. I tried to warn her that she was giving away the whole farm, but I soon realized she didn’t mind, and after that it was pure entertainment. The girl got up in the middle of a 3-minute "date" to stumble up to the bar only to be escorted back to her seat! She left the poor boy sitting all by himself. That’s just wrong. When GFB wasn't causing a scene I carried on with my formulaic conversations (though she was a good go-to when things got dull). There was only one guy there that I could say remotely caught my interest, though I can't remember his name for the life of me! But really, how much do you have to go off of after 5 minutes?

Overall it wasn’t a bad experience, I actually had fun. And so did Peter and Ami. At the end of the night I had to pick the guys I liked the most and if they pick you, both emails will be exchanged in four days. Unfortunately, due to various circumstances I was unable to make a well-informed decision. Firstly, I didn’t keep good track of the names and numbers of each person as we went along. Secondly, nobody really struck me and so I was unable to remember specifics. And finally, by the end of the night I was too drunk to really care. (Do I sound like an ass?) To my surprise most of the people in attendance were actually quality and better than I expected, for both sexes that is. Peter felt that his night was relatively successful and was happy with the selection of ladies. Now, whether I get matches, I won't know for a few days. But in the end I had a few good laughs with Peter, and I made a new friend – Ami!

It seems the world of dating is evolving, especially in a city that is known to be the "city of singles." Why ARE so many people in NYC single? Is it bc we're always looking for the next best thing? Maybe we're all just too busy to slow down. I have a few friends that have lived here for a while and the consensus is that you just meet so many people, perhaps there's too many options. If you're in New York most likely you are pursuing a career of some sort -- whether it be business, acting, higher education or film. These days, especially for women, careers take priority. That, coupled with a man's career agenda, is hard-hitting. Who slows down for who? If we're all looking out for our own future, when do our paths collide?

Arna’s Children

When I sat down to watch this documentary on the Sundance Channel tonight, I wasn't sure what to expect. There was no fancy editing, no compelling soundtrack, and some of it was probably shot on a VHS camera. But the images speak for themselves.

Arna Mer was a Jewish-born political activist who founded a theater group for Palestinian children. Her documentary, Arna’s Children, created after her death by her son Juliano Mer Kahmis, takes place in Jenin and begins as the children are getting ready to put on a play. Here, through the art of acting, they are able to express their anger and frustrations about the Israeli-Palestinian conflicts and the severe damage it has had on their young lives. Their homes have been blown up, relatives killed and they walk the streets only to be harassed and beaten by Israeli soldiers. Arna has provided them with an outlet and a reason to be happy in their completely fucked up world. At certain points it is hard to follow because of the jump in time. It spans about 12 years but goes back and forth between present and past. This I feel allows us to grow attached to the kids. Because we first meet them as young boys and eventually see them as men. We see how their perspectives change. We see that dreams fade with childhood and eventually some sort of twisted reality kicks in.

I am in no position to talk about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. I must admit, I am quite ignorant went it comes to world politics period. But I know what I saw in this documentary and what I’ve seen on the news. The fact that these people don’t leave home without their M16 assault rifle in hand just doesn’t seem quite right to me. I could not imagine walking out of my door only to see a mass of rubble throughout my neighborhood, as a result of a string of homemade bombs. And tanks coming down my street like I would expect a taxicab or ice cream truck to do! Sadly, this is all these kids have ever known. More often than not they are raised to hate. Even joining a theater group will not help them to escape forever. They will inevitably grow up and become a product of their environment.


At the end of the film one of the boys grew up to become a religious martyr and he was quoted as saying “I’m dead anyway. If I have to die I want to choose which way I go.” How do you respond to something like that? Can anyone tell him otherwise? Can anyone truly instill hope in him?

It is documentaries like this that make me happy that I chose this profession as my own. To create work that inform and incite others on a topic they had no clue about before is a huge step forward. Media (written, visual or otherwise) is an amazing platform. And if used well it can truly make a world of difference. I just hope that I can one day make an impact like that.

If you want to learn more visit www.arna.info

My Very First Entry

About five months ago I moved to New York City. It has been a long time dream of mine to live and work here. Being a documentary/television producer, working in Washington D.C. just wasn't cutting it for me. The truth is I have been in love with New York since I was about 15-years old. I remember stepping out of Port Authority, with two of my dearest friends, witnessing a police chase. I felt like I walked onto a movie set. I had an overwhelming feeling of excitement and anticipation. The idea that I could some day live in the most famous city in the world -- with all of its art, culture and glamour -- turned into a huge goal for me that day. So nine years later I moved here. But the circumstances were not as I imagined. There were certain “attachments” while making the move that prevented me from truly experiencing the city. For the first few months it was as though I moved to Albuquerque or Scaggsville (no offense to those from Albuquerque)! There were no feelings of excitement and very little motivation. I feared that I built it up too much, to the point that I would inevitably be let down. (My whole reason for moving when I did was not just to fulfill a dream but it was from fear of losing that dream, bc I was beginning to succumb to comfort.) Just as I was contemplating my move back to MD, there were a series of events that challenged my decision. Needless to say, I’m still here and I couldn’t be happier about it!

For some time I have been fooling with the idea of keeping a blog. It was never the right time. Always busy. Or, I just didn’t want the pressure of maintaining it and then feeling like a chump for not doing so. At this point in my life, I am now compelled to start this journal/blog. Why, you ask? I’ll tell you why:

1. I am experiencing the wonders of a new city and it seems each day is a surprise.
2. I have started a new job.
3. I recently left the old behind and NEW is the key word.
4. I am surrounded by many inspiring and amazing people (writers, filmmakers, artists, travelers, philanthropists and wonderful friends and family).

Those are just a few reasons, but really, I always think it is interesting to follow people on different journeys, especially those who are embarking on new territory, as I am doing.

Perhaps only my friends will read this or maybe strangers, either way, I hope I can create something worthwhile here and not just give you a mundane list of trivial knowledge (though, I'm sure I will on occassion). I hope that I receive feedback (positive or negative) and corrections when I might be wrong about an assumption. I’m not exactly sure what angle I will take, but I plan to treat it as a journal. You can follow me on tribulations at work, at home, and in dating. Find out about new music, compelling films, fun events and whatever other types of trouble I decide to get into.

So here’s to my first blog (cheers)! Happy belated New Years to you! Happy belated birthday to me! (I just turned 25, geeeeez!)